Chris Beardshaw from Gardeners Question Time was once asked by a listener what she should plant in her newly acquired allotment. He replied  “grow something you’d like to eat yourself”. Too right!

Why waste time and effort on something that will end up on the compost heap or go to seed because you won’t use it. Think about what you’d fancy next to your cheese and potato pie or roast chicken on a Sunday.

People say ‘why should you grow crops like onions or potatoes when they are cheap in the shops when in season’. Have you ever tasted home-grown boiled spuds picked a few minutes before being put in the pot with a sprig of mint? You could choose something that is expensive to buy fresh like asparagus or those “exotic” salad leaves that come in a plastic bag ready washed for £3 odd. A plastic mini greenhouse, which would cost £30 new or cheaper secondhand could have you growing salad leaves nearly all the year round for the cost of seeds, feed and compost. It’s easy!

A few things to think about when deciding…

• Will they get enough sun? Vegetables and herbs (especially tomatoes and peppers) need about six hours of sunlight a day, though root veg and lettuce and kale can tolerate some shade. If you use pots, can they be moved about to get the sun most of the day?
• Are they the right size for your plot? Tall and climbing varieties of veg are unsuitable for growing in tubs and containers so choose compact type plants if growing on a balcony. Deep rooting veg would be no good for shallow pots/containers either.
• How much maintenance will the plant need? The plot/pots will need to be watered daily in the summer (usually first thing in the morning or in the evening but not in full sunlight) and will also need to be fed weekly.
• What’s the soil in your plot like? Got much in the line of builders rubble and mummified underpants like we had? We’ll cover testing and improving soil in a later post, but plants thrive when they have the nutrients and soil conditions they need. If it’s really bad, how about building raised beds out of wooden planks that can be filled with two thirds potting compost and one third garden soil (which will give the beds a bit more body.)

The best ones to begin with are: beetroot, courgettes, carrot, dwarf french beans, garlic, lettuce, cut and come again salad leaves, onions, parsnip, radish, spring onion, potato, basil, coriander and tomatoes. Choose varieties that suit your space and conditions.

Add to your space using large pots and tubs. These have the advantage of being moved to catch more sunlight and to dodge the frost. How about growing some potatoes in those special sacks or in a plastic bin so you can free up some space for something else, the same with tomatoes in growbags. Fast growing crops can be put in next to slow growing crops to utilize the space also.

The trick is to keep it simple and don’t be too adventurous or you’ll be wanting to pack the hobby in after the first month. If you’ve been lucky to find yourself a big plot only use a small part of it the first season.

You’re nearly there, you’ve got the plot and know what you want, but do you know how to get it?

With all this talking of planting, I can remember one day at the council years ago, myself and another guy (who’ll we’ll call Dave to protect his identity) were dropped off at an old peoples home in West London on a job. The work in question was to plant lots of clumps of Daffodil bulbs to give a “naturalised” effect amongst the flower beds and the large lawn.

So at just gone 8am with dibbers and tools at the ready, we were let onto the site by the foreman and he turned to us and said “as an incentive, once you get most of the bulbs in you can have an early lunch” knowing only too well the job would take us all day the amount we had to put in.

After the Foreman sped off into the Autumn morning sun in his council van, my workmate Dave, a very funny Northern guy who did like a doss (he said to me on his first day, “Alright mate, my names Dave, what’s the skive like?”) looked at me and said “I fancied a nice half day today” I could see he had a brainwave.

He proceeded to dig a hole, of about 2 foot square and 3 foot deep in front of the home’s back window where the OAP’s were sitting watching the telly. Then he grabbed the large half a hundred-weight bag of daffs and poured the hundreds of bulbs into the hole. As he refilled the hole and transferred the left over soil to the beds so no-one would suss his trick, he said to me “that’s going to give the old people a lovely show in the spring and me an early cut. Enjoy the rest of your day, mate” leaving me shellshocked as he trotted off towards the tube station and it weren’t even 9am! Council workers eh?

The other Sunday, I visited the wilds of Kennington, South London for a one day “Taste of Beekeeping” course by The London Beekeepers Association. This was great value at £30 and ran by people who knew what they were on about.

It turned out to be a good day with talks on Bee history, what you need to start keeping them and even donning a beesuit with veil (worth the 30 quid fee alone!) and seeing a hive in action. Great stuff!

The LBA recommend a weekend 2 day course after the introduction and then being mentored for a year before keeping Bees. The best thing is in the guidelines before the course where they note “When you are handling Bees, it is best to avoid strong perfumes (which distracts them), drinking alcohol (which seems to annoy them) and please wear closed shoes.”

So no Brylcreem on the barnet, nor a couple of shorts at lunchtime and definitely leave the flip-flops at home and you should be alright!

More details on the course at http://www.lbka.org.uk/index.php?page=Courses

Gardening is therapeutic, helps you live longer* and is easy to do. It doesn’t take much effort once the hard work is done, and you don’t have to know much as it’s the perfect “learn on the job” hobby. God knows I’m learning all the time!
*Subject to age and health.

So you’ll like to get started and

You have a garden of your own
Brilliant, sorted!

You don’t have a garden
You don’t need to have a garden to grow some of your favourite herbs or salad leaves in pots on your windowsill. It doesn’t take much maintenance apart from the odd bit of watering and talking to them (if that’s your thing}. Go for Terracotta pots as they look tons better than the ordinary plastic ones.
700 Basil Seeds on Ebay for £1.70 inc postage
Cut-again salad leaves seeds from Suttons.co.uk £1.69

You live in a high-rise flat
If you’ve got a balcony, chuck out that old sofa, give the space a good hose down and grow some Flowers in tubs, Tomato’s or Peppers in  growbags, Herbs in a hanging basket or some Spuds in an old plastic dustbin. Simple! Once they’re in it’s just a case of watering and feeding.

When we lived in a flat, on our balcony was a cat litter tray, two old-school striped council deck-chairs and a battered bikers jacket with a rusty Meteors badge on the lapel, found outside the squat where King Kurt used to live. The rubbish that collects on balconies eh?

You’ve only got a dreary concrete yard where you keep the bins
Whitewash the walls so any light which it does get, will be reflected around, get a couple of growbags or make a wooden raised bed and take it from there. Cheer yourself and the binmen up with tubs with flowers hanging down on higher surfaces, plants with scented flowers or a hanging basket with a variety of herbs in it. I’m not the greatest lover of hanging baskets as it reminds me of the outside of a 70’s seaside Bed & Breakfast, but I found one in a skip the other month and after a little bit of a cleaning and the addition of  an old loo chain, it doesn’t look too bad now.

You have no garden, back yard or windowsill!
Start a garden-share with someone local (stick a card up in the local post office or garden centre) or a use a scheme like http://www.landshare.net

Have a look around your area, maybe there’s an old person who’d like their front garden tidied up in exchange for a plot to grow some veg and you could also give them a share of the harvest. You’ll get a fair few cups of tea and some conversation thrown in and they’ll get a bit of company into the bargain.

What about somewhere local like an old folks home, a shop or a church that might have a plot at the back that they don’t bother with. You can keep it tidy and grow a bit of Veg for yourself and even get the residents involved. Less work for yourself as well!

Someone might even have just a front garden going spare so you could do the Gardening “no, no” of growing “edibles” in it. Oh the shame, what will the neighbours say? Why don’t people grow Veg in their front gardens, who set the rules?

Why not be a real life “Guerilla Gardener” using that bit of land around the tree in the front of your house/flat. I don’t think the local council would begrudge you that, that’s if they ever found out.

So there you go, you’re ready to start cultivating!

Charlie Harper of the UK Subs is 67 this year, how good is that? What do you reckon the other pensioners think of him when he pops into his allotment to fork up some turnips for tea or when he goes to the local post office to pick up his pension? “Get your hair cut” or “bring back national service” gets bawled at him I bet.

Decades ago in Coventry, the UK Subs played in a pub called The Hand and Heart, a small venue that held about 50 people with the band playing at one end and the bar at the other. The gig turned out to be mayhem with punks invading the stage, equipment nicked and someone even sang “Annie’s Song” by John Denver over one of their classics when Charlie Harper went for a pogo in the crowd and/or to get himself a pint at the bar mid-song.

Years later, when I was living in London on my way to Euston train station, I spotted Charlie at Clapham tube and went over and said “Alright Charlie! I saw you in Coventry at The Hand and Heart years ago” “yeah great gig, great gig” he replied, to which I added “but it turned into a riot Charlie”, “yeah great gig, great gig” he kept on saying while chuckling to himself. He asked me what I was up to and I told him I was going up to the Midlands to visit my Mum, to which he replied “Yeah, you got to love your Mum, mate” and then trotted on down the road in his spray painted leather jacket. Brilliant! Happy Birthday Charlie, here’s to another 67 years!

This bi-weekly blog is about the art of Gardening and making the most of what you’ve got in terms of budget and tools.

Gardening is simple and anyone can do it. DJ Andrew Weatherall grows his own Radishes and David “Ram Jam” Rodigan is an avid Sweet Pea enthusiast so I’ve been told.

Talking about Reggae, in the 1970’s Bob Marley was owed some money by the producer Lee Perry so he decided to pay him a visit to get what was his. On arrival at The Upsetter’s house, the very angry Marley was stopped in his tracks by the sight of broken 7” records planted in pots in the front garden. He laughed so much he forgot about the debt and ended up writing another song with Perry. The power of Gardening eh?

You don’t need much to start; a space to grow, some basic tools and a bit of spare time, all combined with a bit of patience (which I lack sometimes, more about that later). As Bob Flowerdew, Gardener and recycler extraordinaire said, “It’s the perfect hobby to save you money. While you’re out Gardening, you’re not shopping and spending money and when you’re finished, you’re too knackered to go out down the pub or to a restaurant”. Too right!

The reason I garden is to save money growing my own fruit and veg but at the same time I love losing myself in the joys of the soil and it takes my mind off the bills and endless lists that constantly go through my mind.

I’ve always been interested in the hobby since I was kid as my dad was a keen Chrysanthemum grower. As I got older, I discovered Punk and being in a band so kept the Gardening past a secret, until I moved to London in my early Twenties and got as job as a Gardener with Westminster City Council. This is where I learnt the art of working the soil from experienced Horticulturists, alongside other skills from the chancers and skivers there. It was also at Westminster where I had chance meetings with Johnny Rotten, Glen Matlock and the Mutant Waste Company (but more about them and the council as the blog progresses). Then I put my Gardening past behind to become a student of Graphic Design.

While I was doing my design degree I got myself a Gardening round to supplement my modest grant from Lambeth Council. So on a Saturday morning a bit worse for wear after mad nights out at balearic tinged clubs unbeknown to the little old ladies who employed me, I’d “tip around with a hoe” as they used to say in the council.

Time passed, I got married and had a couple of kids. A few years ago we all moved into a house where there were shedloads of work to be done. Outside in the garden, mummified underpants littered the undergrowth that was once the lawn. Something had to be done about it but we had no spare cash. This is where the blog comes in. All the tips and tricks I’d learnt over the years will be aired alongside stories about the council and the Punk Kicking dance.

It was easy, it was cheap, GO AND DO IT!