Before another gardening tip, here’s another council story.

One lunchtime in 1986 while working at St Stephen’s Gardens W11, I was enjoying a cheese and onion sarnie in the park’s hut reading the NME when I heard what I thought was the foreman’s lorry pull up outside. Thinking I’d fallen asleep and lost track of time, I brushed off the crumbs, flung the music paper into the corner and jumped out of the shed ready for an afternoon’s work.

Outside, I realised there was no foreman’s van but saw the back of a large car zoom off into the distance. I then noticed a very familiar figure in a coach-driver’s blazer wearing a pink beret with orange hair sticking out at the sides and realised it was John Lydon. As a one time Sex Pistols fan, I was well excited, the last time I had met him was when I was fifteen, after their gig in Coventry where he said to me “Hello, hello, hello, hello” in that funny voice of his. What should I say now, something corny like “Your band changed my life” to which Lydon would reply sarcastically “To what, a council gardener?” No I don’t think so.

With some quick thinking, I said “Excuse us mate, got any idea of the time?” which he initially ignored, so I said it again a bit louder and pointed to an imaginary watch on my arm. He looked at me with that mad stare of his and replied in classic Johnny Rotten style “Ten to one”, before walking off into an old man’s pub for a pint. Excellent, I had just met Johnny Rotten! When the foreman did turn up (he was of similar musical taste) he was well chuffed but we had to go to an estate to pull out a large Pyracantha or he’d have popped into the pub to see him. Work always seems to get in the way.

That’s one pistol, here’s another. Later that year, one of my jobs was maintaining the flower beds outside Maida Vale library where I’d sometimes see the original pistol’s bassist Glen Matlock wandering past. At a gig at ULU by Boys Wonder (who were trying to mould themselves on the early pistols at the time) I was introduced to him and he seemed a down to earth guy.

A few months later, I bumped into Matlock again, having recently read an interview with him about the early days for some article about “10 years of Punk”.  Being at the time, one who took things a little too serious, I though celebrating “10 years of Punk” was a load of old rubbish, as wasn’t Punk originally supposed to be against nostalgia?

I was walking down Shirland Road with my petrol mower on my way back to the shed for a cup of char at 3pm when I saw him. He didn’t initially recognise me from the ULU gig in my council gear but soon got talking. After a while I mentioned the 10 years of Punk article and got a bit steamed up (What do I know, in 1976 I was 14, wore patch-pocket baggies, had on spoon shoes and rode a racer with drop handlebars, not that punk eh?).

The situation must have looked ridiculous from where he was standing, a council worker in a donkey jacket with green twine around the waist holding it together (as the buttons had fallen off earlier that year) following him down the road pushing a lawn mower ranting about Punk. He made a swift exit into a nearby pub leaving me outside unable to follow him in with my mower and the pub’s “no overalls or work boots” rule. I do feel a prat now and I bet you he probably felt a bit shaky whenever he saw a council worker for a few months after. Not good…

I’ve just received this off our good friend Bridget Virden who tells us about Capital Growth who are funding food growing in London (there’s got to be others schemes for around the UK).

Capital Growth Funding
Grants round launched to support community food-growing projects in London.

If you are planning to start a community food-growing space or want to expand an existing space and you are looking for money to buy soil, seeds, tools and other materials necessary, this is your opportunity to apply for some financial support!

For more information, including the application criteria, and to complete an application form please visit http://www.capitalgrowth.org/apply/

Grants are available from £150 up to £750.
Grants round deadline: 5pm, 7th November 2011

Thanks very much to Sharon Bassey from the London Beekeepers Association (LBKA) for this excellent photo of a bee swarm taken in Nunhead, South London and for the additional info.

“When bees swarm, they fill their stomachs with honey so they are more lethargic, and their sting is tucked up into their stomachs so are less likely to sting, unless they have been out in the elements for some time.”

A list of major bee foraging plants (there’s loads of minor ones) throughout the year.
April:
Plum & Damson, Cherry, Pear and Oil Seed Rape.
May:
Apple, Dandelion. Hawthorn, Sycamore and OSR.
June:
Blackberry, Field Bean, Raspberry. Sainfoin, OSR and Borage.
July:
Bell Heather, Blackberry, Lime, White Clover, Willowherb, OSR and Borage
August:
Bell Heather, Blackberry, Ling (Heather), Mustard, Red Clover and Willowherb.
Sept/Oct:
Ling and Mustard.

For more info about the LBKA go to http://www.lbka.org.uk/index.php

Chris Beardshaw from Gardeners Question Time was once asked by a listener what she should plant in her newly acquired allotment. He replied  “grow something you’d like to eat yourself”. Too right!

Why waste time and effort on something that will end up on the compost heap or go to seed because you won’t use it. Think about what you’d fancy next to your cheese and potato pie or roast chicken on a Sunday.

People say ‘why should you grow crops like onions or potatoes when they are cheap in the shops when in season’. Have you ever tasted home-grown boiled spuds picked a few minutes before being put in the pot with a sprig of mint? You could choose something that is expensive to buy fresh like asparagus or those “exotic” salad leaves that come in a plastic bag ready washed for £3 odd. A plastic mini greenhouse, which would cost £30 new or cheaper secondhand could have you growing salad leaves nearly all the year round for the cost of seeds, feed and compost. It’s easy!

A few things to think about when deciding…

• Will they get enough sun? Vegetables and herbs (especially tomatoes and peppers) need about six hours of sunlight a day, though root veg and lettuce and kale can tolerate some shade. If you use pots, can they be moved about to get the sun most of the day?
• Are they the right size for your plot? Tall and climbing varieties of veg are unsuitable for growing in tubs and containers so choose compact type plants if growing on a balcony. Deep rooting veg would be no good for shallow pots/containers either.
• How much maintenance will the plant need? The plot/pots will need to be watered daily in the summer (usually first thing in the morning or in the evening but not in full sunlight) and will also need to be fed weekly.
• What’s the soil in your plot like? Got much in the line of builders rubble and mummified underpants like we had? We’ll cover testing and improving soil in a later post, but plants thrive when they have the nutrients and soil conditions they need. If it’s really bad, how about building raised beds out of wooden planks that can be filled with two thirds potting compost and one third garden soil (which will give the beds a bit more body.)

The best ones to begin with are: beetroot, courgettes, carrot, dwarf french beans, garlic, lettuce, cut and come again salad leaves, onions, parsnip, radish, spring onion, potato, basil, coriander and tomatoes. Choose varieties that suit your space and conditions.

Add to your space using large pots and tubs. These have the advantage of being moved to catch more sunlight and to dodge the frost. How about growing some potatoes in those special sacks or in a plastic bin so you can free up some space for something else, the same with tomatoes in growbags. Fast growing crops can be put in next to slow growing crops to utilize the space also.

The trick is to keep it simple and don’t be too adventurous or you’ll be wanting to pack the hobby in after the first month. If you’ve been lucky to find yourself a big plot only use a small part of it the first season.

You’re nearly there, you’ve got the plot and know what you want, but do you know how to get it?

With all this talking of planting, I can remember one day at the council years ago, myself and another guy (who’ll we’ll call Dave to protect his identity) were dropped off at an old peoples home in West London on a job. The work in question was to plant lots of clumps of Daffodil bulbs to give a “naturalised” effect amongst the flower beds and the large lawn.

So at just gone 8am with dibbers and tools at the ready, we were let onto the site by the foreman and he turned to us and said “as an incentive, once you get most of the bulbs in you can have an early lunch” knowing only too well the job would take us all day the amount we had to put in.

After the Foreman sped off into the Autumn morning sun in his council van, my workmate Dave, a very funny Northern guy who did like a doss (he said to me on his first day, “Alright mate, my names Dave, what’s the skive like?”) looked at me and said “I fancied a nice half day today” I could see he had a brainwave.

He proceeded to dig a hole, of about 2 foot square and 3 foot deep in front of the home’s back window where the OAP’s were sitting watching the telly. Then he grabbed the large half a hundred-weight bag of daffs and poured the hundreds of bulbs into the hole. As he refilled the hole and transferred the left over soil to the beds so no-one would suss his trick, he said to me “that’s going to give the old people a lovely show in the spring and me an early cut. Enjoy the rest of your day, mate” leaving me shellshocked as he trotted off towards the tube station and it weren’t even 9am! Council workers eh?

The other Sunday, I visited the wilds of Kennington, South London for a one day “Taste of Beekeeping” course by The London Beekeepers Association. This was great value at £30 and ran by people who knew what they were on about.

It turned out to be a good day with talks on Bee history, what you need to start keeping them and even donning a beesuit with veil (worth the 30 quid fee alone!) and seeing a hive in action. Great stuff!

The LBA recommend a weekend 2 day course after the introduction and then being mentored for a year before keeping Bees. The best thing is in the guidelines before the course where they note “When you are handling Bees, it is best to avoid strong perfumes (which distracts them), drinking alcohol (which seems to annoy them) and please wear closed shoes.”

So no Brylcreem on the barnet, nor a couple of shorts at lunchtime and definitely leave the flip-flops at home and you should be alright!

More details on the course at http://www.lbka.org.uk/index.php?page=Courses

Gardening is therapeutic, helps you live longer* and is easy to do. It doesn’t take much effort once the hard work is done, and you don’t have to know much as it’s the perfect “learn on the job” hobby. God knows I’m learning all the time!
*Subject to age and health.

So you’ll like to get started and

You have a garden of your own
Brilliant, sorted!

You don’t have a garden
You don’t need to have a garden to grow some of your favourite herbs or salad leaves in pots on your windowsill. It doesn’t take much maintenance apart from the odd bit of watering and talking to them (if that’s your thing}. Go for Terracotta pots as they look tons better than the ordinary plastic ones.
700 Basil Seeds on Ebay for £1.70 inc postage
Cut-again salad leaves seeds from Suttons.co.uk £1.69

You live in a high-rise flat
If you’ve got a balcony, chuck out that old sofa, give the space a good hose down and grow some Flowers in tubs, Tomato’s or Peppers in  growbags, Herbs in a hanging basket or some Spuds in an old plastic dustbin. Simple! Once they’re in it’s just a case of watering and feeding.

When we lived in a flat, on our balcony was a cat litter tray, two old-school striped council deck-chairs and a battered bikers jacket with a rusty Meteors badge on the lapel, found outside the squat where King Kurt used to live. The rubbish that collects on balconies eh?

You’ve only got a dreary concrete yard where you keep the bins
Whitewash the walls so any light which it does get, will be reflected around, get a couple of growbags or make a wooden raised bed and take it from there. Cheer yourself and the binmen up with tubs with flowers hanging down on higher surfaces, plants with scented flowers or a hanging basket with a variety of herbs in it. I’m not the greatest lover of hanging baskets as it reminds me of the outside of a 70’s seaside Bed & Breakfast, but I found one in a skip the other month and after a little bit of a cleaning and the addition of  an old loo chain, it doesn’t look too bad now.

You have no garden, back yard or windowsill!
Start a garden-share with someone local (stick a card up in the local post office or garden centre) or a use a scheme like http://www.landshare.net

Have a look around your area, maybe there’s an old person who’d like their front garden tidied up in exchange for a plot to grow some veg and you could also give them a share of the harvest. You’ll get a fair few cups of tea and some conversation thrown in and they’ll get a bit of company into the bargain.

What about somewhere local like an old folks home, a shop or a church that might have a plot at the back that they don’t bother with. You can keep it tidy and grow a bit of Veg for yourself and even get the residents involved. Less work for yourself as well!

Someone might even have just a front garden going spare so you could do the Gardening “no, no” of growing “edibles” in it. Oh the shame, what will the neighbours say? Why don’t people grow Veg in their front gardens, who set the rules?

Why not be a real life “Guerilla Gardener” using that bit of land around the tree in the front of your house/flat. I don’t think the local council would begrudge you that, that’s if they ever found out.

So there you go, you’re ready to start cultivating!

Charlie Harper of the UK Subs is 67 this year, how good is that? What do you reckon the other pensioners think of him when he pops into his allotment to fork up some turnips for tea or when he goes to the local post office to pick up his pension? “Get your hair cut” or “bring back national service” gets bawled at him I bet.

Decades ago in Coventry, the UK Subs played in a pub called The Hand and Heart, a small venue that held about 50 people with the band playing at one end and the bar at the other. The gig turned out to be mayhem with punks invading the stage, equipment nicked and someone even sang “Annie’s Song” by John Denver over one of their classics when Charlie Harper went for a pogo in the crowd and/or to get himself a pint at the bar mid-song.

Years later, when I was living in London on my way to Euston train station, I spotted Charlie at Clapham tube and went over and said “Alright Charlie! I saw you in Coventry at The Hand and Heart years ago” “yeah great gig, great gig” he replied, to which I added “but it turned into a riot Charlie”, “yeah great gig, great gig” he kept on saying while chuckling to himself. He asked me what I was up to and I told him I was going up to the Midlands to visit my Mum, to which he replied “Yeah, you got to love your Mum, mate” and then trotted on down the road in his spray painted leather jacket. Brilliant! Happy Birthday Charlie, here’s to another 67 years!